Starting the next Chapter (11) of my life.
Ξ September 28th, 2008 | → | ∇ Stupid stuff I should delete |
After the events of my company were made public last week, I feel that I can now be a bit more open about it.
It’s odd. At work we have to make sure that we’re constantly wearing our badges to make sure we are people that are supposed to be there, and we have to remember to take our badges off when we go out in public lest we get inundated with with questions or “comments”. I do have to admit, reading the blogs about everything, you would think that the world is ending and all such non such. All of it couldn’t be further from the truth; and while I won’t go into specifics here, a simple search on the company, and how the investment deal is structured would give a clearer picture as to what the state of the company is, and that all I have to do is put up with fourteen more weeks of this.
The good news is that as far as I can tell, my 2009 budget seems to be acceptable, and more importantly I’m still on it. It’s a bit comforting to see that I am controlling my own fate; and I am continuing to shop my resume around. I think however, that things will be pretty dead until the beginning of the next year.
One thing that has really affected in regards to all of this is that I’ve placed my personal reputation on the line with my vendors to get this project done. I’ve spoken with two of my closest vendors and while it is good to know that they understand the circumstances of the situation, I still feel a sense of personal responsibility (even though I know that I don’t in any actual sense) to the situation and a sense of failure by association.
Another is the loss of the Italian Job. That hit me really hard because that means that I am the last of three that made a pact to stay together and to watch each other’s backs. It was because of him, I was able to work on my “working well with others” skills; and it was something that I was getting better at. I already know that I’m going to go back to my inner nature of being solitary. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I need to balance it to make sure I don’t alienate myself and my ducks from the rest of the company.
While all of this is going on, I have other drama going on in my life as well. My sister has this notorious habit to make me look like a lazy sod when it comes to being a workaholic. To the point where it causes health issues, and she was admitted into the hospital mid-week last week. If all goes well, she’ll be released on Tuesday (Gotta love the fact that it’s the same hospital that the President goes to). But I’ve been “volunteered” to go up there mid week this week to tend to her. So this adds just another layer on things.
What is it they say? “Adversity is like a strong wind. It tears away from us all but the things that cannot be torn, so that we see ourselves as we really are.”
In order to deal with the stress of the past month I’ve been burying myself in quite esoteric activities. Right now for instance, I’m becoming quite familiar with the Soviet Order of Battle for the units assigned to the western front during the height of the Cold War. At the moment specifically, it’s the units consisting of the 3rd Shock Army. You should see all of the Excel spreadsheets and Visio diagrams of information that has more than likely been created over twenty years ago that I have decided to do, from scratch, just for the heck of it. Though in doing this “research” it helps me understand the psychology of why the Russians moved into Georgia a couple of months ago (or atleast I delude myself into thinking it).
I really need a vacation.
